How We Speak to Our Children Tuesday, Oct 27 2009

 

I was so blessed by this post on the Shepherd Press blog. Here’s a small excerpt.

In a family setting, shouting and screaming to prove a point indicates frustration, uncertainty and a lack of confidence. Loud words in such a situation will not be heeded by the heart. Loud words may win outward compliance based upon fear, frustration or resignation, but they will not win the heart.

I was also impressed by this little video clip of Michelle Duggar (of the Discovery show 18 Kids and Counting) with 2 of her little ones.  I’m not particularly a fan of the Duggars…There are plenty of things they do that I don’t agree with…But they clearly love Jesus and I think He’s allowed them to display a sweet godly family to a watching world.  Michelle’s gentle voice has especially challenged me in how I relate to my kids.  (I think the clip was meant to poke fun, but I enjoyed it.)

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How Long Should I Breastfeed? Part 2 Thursday, Sep 3 2009

My Titus 2 mentors aren’t celebrities.  Most of them are moms in the trenches just like me, godly ladies who are farther down the mothering road than I am.  I’ve written before about my friend Jenny.  She’s a mom of 8 children, some of whom are nearly as old as I am.  When I got pregnant with Elizabeth she called me just to congratulate and encourage me.  What a surprise!  Until that point I had mainly thought of her as my mom’s friend, but that phone call changed my life and cemented our friendship.

Her advice particularly impacted my mothering style.  Before that I had some vague notions about mothering but I didn’t have a lot of concrete goals, especially for the infant stage.  Jenny talked to me about preparing for birth, nutrition, responding to and nurturing my baby, and breastfeeding.  Her advice to try to breastfeed for two years took me a little by surprise.  “Baby’s brain is growing so fast until age two,” she explained.  “And breast milk is the perfect brain food!”  Until then I hadn’t given much thought to how long I would nurse my babies.  A year?  Eighteen months?  I had no idea.  This made sense and gave me a goal to shoot for.

I have to admit that I was the odd girl out among my friends.  Most of them didn’t breastfeed at all, let alone for longer than a year.  And that was fine.  I certainly didn’t (and don’t) judge or criticize them for that, but I was definitely alone in the breastfeeding department.

All the same, I am so glad that I took my wise friend’s advice and aimed for that two-year mark!  I soon learned that many experts agree, breastfeeding past one year is fine for baby and may even confer great benefits.  I found it interesting that Jenny’s rule of thumb was being backed up by medical professionals.  (There are a plethora of studies that have discovered the many benefits of breastfeeding to both baby and mom.)

Personally, I can say that breastfeeding longer than average has benefited my children enormously, especially in the area of immunity.  Elizabeth caught her first virus just weeks after I weaned her.  Our one-time pediatrician (himself a father of eight) concurred that in his observation, it made all the difference in the strength of a small child’s immune system.

Breastfeeding until a certain age is certainly not an issue of right or wrong.  When you choose to wean is not something I’d criticize anyone for. I believe God leads each of us differently in our mothering, and the important thing is to be sensitive to Him, even in something as basic as how to feed our children.

I just share my Jenny story just to encourage you: If you have considered breastfeeding past age 1, it’s OK.  Go right ahead.  Not only will it not hurt anything (even the AAP explicitly states so) but it will probably be beneficial to your little one.  It’s fine to nurse for both nutrition and comfort.  In the Bible, Isaiah 66:10-13 makes reference to a mother nursing her child for comfort: “Rejoice with Jerusalem and be glad for her, all you who love her; rejoice greatly with her, all you who mourn over her.  For you will nurse and be satisfied at her comforting breasts; you will drink deeply and delight in her overflowing abundance.”  For this is what the LORD says: “I will extend peace to her like a river, and the wealth of nations like a flooding stream; you will nurse and be carried on her arm and dandled on her knees.  As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you; and you will be comforted over Jerusalem.”

It might cause a raised eyebrow or two, but remember that whether you are able to breastfeed for just a little while or whether you choose to go for longer than your friends, what’s important is that you are doing what you believe is best for your baby.  Nourish with confidence!

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How Long Should I Breastfeed? Part 1 Tuesday, Sep 1 2009

Note:  This isn’t a diatribe against people who can’t/don’t breastfeed or those  who don’t breastfeed for a full  year.  No judgment here! It’s directed toward moms who haven’t decided how long to breastfeed or who have committed to do so at least till the one-year mark and wonder what comes next.

Recently a first-time-mom friend asked me about how long to breastfeed.  Interesting, because I had just been thinking about writing something along those lines.

The main question some moms seem to have is that they plan to wean at one year, but their babies still seems very attached.  They wonder: Is it OK to breastfeed past the first birthday?

The short answer is yes.  Not only is it OK, it’s probably quite beneficial to baby.  Many babies just aren’t ready to wean at 12 months.  In its most recent breastfeeding guidelines, the American Association of Pediatrics says:

“Increased duration of breastfeeding confers significant health and developmental benefits for the child and the mother, especially in delaying return of fertility (thereby promoting optimal intervals between births).

There is no upper limit to the duration of breastfeeding and no evidence of psychologic or developmental harm from breastfeeding into the third year of life or longer.”

Here’s what the World Health Organization recommends:

“Exclusive breastfeeding is recommended up to 6 months of age, with continued breastfeeding along with appropriate complementary foods up to two years of age or beyond.”

In The Vaccine Book, Dr. Robert Sears (of the well-respected Sears family of pediatricians) says:

“If you are breastfeeding, plan to do so for a minimum of one year.  Two years is better.  Not only will your baby catch fewer illnesses, but her immune system may be better equipped to handle vaccines.”

So if you’ve ever wondered, experts agree that breastfeeding longer than one year is just fine, even to be encouraged.  If you choose to wean at 12 months, good for you for making it to that point!  But if you choose to continue, go for it!

Look for part 2, the story of my mom mentor Jenny who gave me wonderful breastfeeding advice!

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Babywearing Love! Tuesday, Nov 18 2008

Hmmm, it appears that I totally missed International Babywearing Week, which is probably way more crunchy and alternative and hippie and so forth than most of us–ahem–”normal” mamas. Not that I consider myself very normal. But anyway.

I’ve tried a lot of different baby carriers over the years, and I’ve finally landed a favorite: Ergo. I’m pretty frugal and very reluctant to let go of that much cash (around $100), so I researched for about 2 years, pros and cons, talking to people who loved their Ergos and those who didn’t. Finally I made the splurge and ordered one for myself, and Oh. My. Heavens. Am I glad I did! I wish I’d had this carrier for all my babies!

The main difference between the Ergo and other carriers I’ve used is that it’s designed to distribute weight across mama’s hips instead of hanging baby from her shoulders. This is a big deal for me since my little ones usually skyrocket to 20 pounds in a matter of weeks. That’s a lot of weight to hang from your shoulders for extended periods of time. So comfort is definitely the biggest pro. I’ve been carrying (grumpy teething) Grace around on my back for hours and hours over the past couple weeks, without getting tired. Sometimes I even forget she’s back there. I can do all my work hands-free, yet she’s close and happy.  Babies can be carried in front, back, or hip positions, so it’s very versatile.

Cons: There’s an infant insert which I haven’t used, but the straddle position would definitely not be good for very small babies. Instead of hanging legs, baby ends up in more of a sitting position, which a tiny one couldn’t do. Also, if you’re the kind of person who likes something uncomplicated, like a sling, it does have several straps. It’s a bit of a trick to navigate the first time or 2, and I still have to have Elizabeth help me get Grace in the back carry position.

Ummm…Other than that I can’t think of any negatives. I love it. Highly recommend it. If you’re thinking about giving babywearing a shot, this is definitely the carrier I’d start with.

(pic from the Ergo web site)

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Favorite Baby Item: Arm’s Reach Co-sleeper Thursday, Oct 30 2008

I wrote this little review right after Grace was born. There’s nothing in it for me–This co-sleeper is just a product I’ve found incredibly helpful.

What are your favorite baby products? Is there anything that you find really indispensable?

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This is the Arm’s Reach Co-sleeper we got for our sweet new baby, Grace. I am loving it! I’ve tried just about every newborn sleeping arrangement from bassinet to pack and play to crib to full co-sleeping and none of it worked for me. This was recommended by a pediatric nurse friend, and it’s perfect. Grace is right next to me, so I can keep a close eye on her, pick her up easily (without getting out of bed), and during nursing times I don’t have to worry about dozing off and dropping her. That’s always been a big fear. The sleeper actually straps to the bed between the mattress and box springs for a nice tight fit.

She loves to sleep in my arms, but she also does really well in the co-sleeper with her foam wedges and a good swaddle. The nurses at the hospital showed me how they wrap the babies, and while I haven’t perfected their burrito swaddle, I can get her snug enough that she feels secure and sleeps well. This is my first success with getting baby to sleep on her back. I think the swaddle has something to do with it.

In any case, I wholeheartedly recommend the co-sleeper. It’s kinda pricey and at first I thought we had just bought a really expensive pack and play…It’s a lot more than that, though.

The only drawback I can think of is that it’s a bit harder for me to get in and out of bed. I have to get in from the end. However, that’s a small price to pay for a good night’s sleep!

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Frugal Baby Tuesday, Aug 5 2008

Babies can be expensive—but they don’t have to be nearly as expensive as we think. There are a multitude of ways to cut costs on baby expenses. Here are some. I don’t do all these things, but all are good ways to save money on little ones, starting at birth, literally.

Breastfeed

Formula for one baby for one year will cost between $1,000 and $2,300 depending on whether you use the powdered version or ready-to-pour. (That’s if your baby tolerates regular formula and doesn’t have to have a special–and specially expensive–kind). Breastmilk is absolutely free! What’s more, research shows (and most pediatricians will testify) that breastfed babies are sick far less than formula fed babies, so that eliminates a lot of dollars going out for doctor visits and medicine. I’m sold (literally, haha) on breastfeeding for many reasons, not the least of which is money saved.

Cloth diaper

This is something I’ve dreamed of but never really done. Maybe one day. Disposable diapers cost a lot, even when you buy store brands. Depending on what kind of cloth diapers and accessories you buy, there will be some initial investment, plus the cost of detergent and so forth, but the cost will still be drastically less than disposables.

Make your own wipes

Cut up old towels and re-wash them, or make your own wipes from inexpensive paper towels. One mom recommends just keeping a roll of paper towels and a spray bottle of soapy water handy. If you use regular wipes, try cutting them in half for small jobs. You can google “recipes” online too.

Make your own baby food

The AAP’s most recent breastfeeding recommendations state what a lot of moms have known all along—it’s rarely necessary to introduce solids before 6 months, and sometimes even later. When you do introduce baby to solid food, make your own. There’s no great mystery to this. Some people use the little baby food maker, but I don’t bother. I just mash or blend whatever vegetable or fruit I have on hand. My babies start with things like mashed banana, baked sweet potato, mashed avocado, applesauce, and pureed garden veggies (like squash). Instead of boxed cereal, I just gave them pureed old-fashioned oatmeal and pureed brown rice. And as they got a bit bigger, they ate tiny pieces of whatever we ate. Do stay away from high-allergy foods though.

Don’t Buy New Clothes

You don’t have to buy new clothes for your baby. You can outfit him or her for a little of nothing by shopping at garage sales and thrift stores. When they’re little, babies often wear an item only a few times before they outgrow it, and it’s not uncommon to even find clothes with tags still on. I have beautiful name brand children’s clothes that I’ve gotten at garage sales for mere pennies, far nicer things than I would have gotten if I’d bought items new. You’ll probably be offered hand-me-downs as well, which is where a lot of my kids’ clothes come from.

Try to wait till baby is born before you invest in clothes anyway. Gift clothes often cover clothing needs for the first few months, if not longer.

Shop Dollar Stores

Lotion, shampoo, and lots of other baby supplies cost a fraction of the regular price at a dollar store.

Freecycle and Shop Used

Join your local Freecycle group and be on the lookout for baby items like furniture. Check out Goodwill, junk stores, or other second-hand venues. Just make sure items like cribs meet safety standards.
Stay Home

You won’t have to pay for childcare, as well as food for those hurried mornings when you didn’t have time to fix breakfast or the nights you’re running late and doctor bills from all the illnesses baby picks up at daycare.

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Preparing for Birth, Part 5 Thursday, Jul 10 2008

Include your husband

Keep him in the loop. If he’s not able or willing to attend appointments with you, make sure you tell him what the doctor said. Discuss options with him. You’ll do a lot better if you have his presence and support, and he’ll be much better able to help and support you if he knows what’s going on. Remember, he never has and never will be pregnant or give birth, so all he has to go on is what you tell him! One thing that was especially helpful to Billy was understanding the stages of labor. You know, “OK, this must be transition!”

Know what you want and stick to your guns

While I try to be an easy, undemanding patient, there are some things I’m not going to budge on, barring actual danger to me or the baby. (I’m not stupid—I do want my baby to be safe.) These non-negotiables will vary from person to person, so just know ahead of time what they are so you’re prepared to stick up for yourself. Again, remember that the doctor works for you.

Keep the goal in mind

Remember that pregnancy and birth aren’t ends in themselves…They are the means of bringing forth a tiny new life, an eternal soul made in the image of God. Even if all doesn’t go according to your plans and dreams, the end result is a precious baby. You are partnering with God in a holy experience!

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Preparing for Birth, Part 4 Monday, Jul 7 2008

Keep a good attitude

To be honest, I hate being pregnant. It’s not fun, it’s uncomfortable, I feel fat and unattractive, and I’ve had some pretty low times during pregnancy as well. But when I’m pregnant, I can choose not to focus on the bad, and instead remember that this isn’t about me and my feelings, it isn’t about being pregnant in and of itself, it’s about the creation of a priceless new life.

Don’t listen to horror stories

Ignore people who want to tell you how terrible their births were. Don’t troll the internet reading bad birth stories. Don’t watch Baby Story. (Sorry if you love it. I just can’t imagine that it would be helpful…But that’s me.) Birth is a natural, wonderful experience which can go well most of the time. Listening to scary stories will only open the door for fear. If you must, kindly but firmly say, “I’d rather not hear horror stories,” and change the subject.

Pray for birth and baby

Strangely enough, I realized midway through my pregnancy with Sarah that although I was spending a lot of time worrying, I had spent very little time praying over my baby, my pregnancy, and my birth. I had to remedy that quickly. It sounds silly that I didn’t think to do that, I know. But somehow I did…I believe prayer is essential for the optimal experience.

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Preparing for Birth, Part 3 Wednesday, Jul 2 2008

Write a birth plan

Think about your specific desires for your birth and put them on paper. Give one to your doctor for your file, and send one to the hospital well before your estimated due date. That way it is clear, in black and white, what your wishes are. It lets the hospital staff know that you have thought through your birth and that you are informed.

Here and here are good places to learn more about making your birth plan.

Practice relaxation

The more you can relax, the less painful your birth will be. My goal was to give birth naturally, without pain meds, but even if you plan to have an epidural, learning to relax will help you manage labor as it becomes more intense. In the months leading up to my birth I practiced relaxing when I lay in bed at night…from head to toe…every muscle…limp as a rag doll…breathed deeply, imitating sleep. For more complete instructions on how to do this, see one of the excellent books available on the Bradley method of childbirth, or take a Bradley class. Here’s a great article online about relaxing during childbirth. I’m not strong willed enough that sheer determination could make me get through birth without pain meds. However, relaxing has helped me learn to manage the pain. I can honestly say that with Sarah’s birth (my 3rd) I never reached what I’d consider my pain threshold. Yes, it hurt, but I didn’t get the point where I thought, there’s no way I can take any more.

Read, read, read–be informed

Some great books to prepare for birth and after are:

Husband Coached Childbirth by Robert A. Bradley (somewhat outdated…I’ve heard that more current Bradley method books are better…the original book still has tons of useful information though)

The Complete Well Pregnancy Book by Mike and Nancy Samuels

Parent Project by Dr. William Sears (and pretty much anything else in print or online by Dr. Sears…my only caution is that I think he’s a bit of a softy on toddler discipline…But his info on baby care is fabulous.)

Breastfeeding and Natural Child Spacing by Sheila Kippley (Even if you aren’t interested in spacing children through ecological breastfeeding, this book is a great help in understanding how your body works during lactation.)

The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding by La Leche League International

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Preparing for Birth, Part 2 Monday, Jun 30 2008

Find a doctor you’re comfortable with

Do not, I repeat, do not settle for someone you aren’t comfortable with unless you absolutely must. Just because you started going to one does not mean you can’t find a different doctor. Of course, if you switch too late in pregnancy it’s harder to find someone who will take you on, but probably not impossible.

When I got pregnant for the first time, I thought I wanted a woman doctor. I tried one and she was awful. So I switched to a grandfatherly, experienced, laid-back gentleman who had delivered a zillion babies. He was the best. When I moved to Shreveport, that’s what I looked for again. I asked around until I heard of someone that sounded like a good fit. As it turned out, he was.

My OB’s whom I’ve been certain have a personal relationship with Christ have been the best experiences. I feel more comfortable with someone who believes in the power of prayer, will hopefully be sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit, and exhibits the grace of Christ in his life.

My sister and other friends have used midwives for low risk pregnancies. Honestly, the testimonies of moms who have gone this route lead me to believe that their prenatal care has been far superior to mine. However, there are no midwives in our area that I know of, even if my husband would go for it–which is unlikely!

Find a doctor your husband is comfortable with

Even if your husband doesn’t go with you to every appointment, I believe it’s a good idea for him to at least meet the doctor near the beginning of the pregnancy. Your husband will more than likely be with you during the birth and he’s the one who will probably make decisions if you should become incapacitated (an unlikely scenario, but worth considering). If your husband acts as your support and coach, he will be interacting with the medical staff a great deal. Things run much more smoothly if he has a good relationship with your OB–and especially if he respects him (or her). It will be stressful for you if your husband and the doctor have a personality clash or if they have a tense relationship for some other reason. That said, as your advocate, your husband may at some time have to be more confrontational–but if he and the doctor mutually respect each other, conflicts work out much better.

Remember, the doctor works for you

I have great respect for medical professionals who are well-trained to help people and save lives, and I’ve interacted with a number of wonderful doctors. Nevertheless, I’m a bit leery of the medical profession because I’ve seen a lot of playing God among doctors. A nurse told me recently that she was told point blank in nursing school that a great deal of the time doctors are just guessing at diagnosis. So be informed, do your own research, and remember that the doctor is working for you in this natural process of birth. Again, I’m grateful for doctors who save so many lives, but in low risk situations, understand your options and stand your ground. In short, don’t be bullied by a doctor or medical staff.

A personal example: Unless my baby is in distress, I won’t be induced. Do I get pressure? Of course. But having done the research, I believe that for me—barring a medical emergency—baby should come when he or she is good and ready. Having my third birth at just 2 hours of active labor and the fourth at around 3 hours solidifies my view even more. I believe it’s easier when nature takes its course, and I’m willing to take a stand for this. Your non-negotiables might be different–this certainly isn’t a statement against those who feel it’s necessary to induce–But I’m just saying that when you have a personal issue about which you feel strongly, don’t feel pressured to do something against your better judgment.

Use a birth environment you’re comfortable with

If you’re having a hospital birth, find a doctor who delivers in a hospital with a good reputation. My doctor for babies 2 and 3 mainly delivered at a huge, usually overcrowded hospital that frankly has a reputation for inadequate care. (Blunt version: We heard horror stories.) However, he personally has a stellar record and was willing and able to deliver at the small Catholic hospital down the street. That’s what we chose, and the care has been personal and excellent.

Of course there are other options too: birth centers and home. While there aren’t any options locally that I know of, I have friends and family members who have had babies at home and at qualified birth centers in other places with great results. Seek the guidance of God and determine with your husband where you should deliver. My mom friend Jenny (who has birthed 8 babies at home) reminded me, “Jesus is in the hospital too.” My hospital births have been great, but I attribute it mainly to choosing good ones and being informed and proactive. And I believe that God has led us to the places where he wanted me to give birth.

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