A Mother’s Spiritual Impact Saturday, Nov 14 2009

 

“It is my conviction that many mothers will occupy a higher position in God’s kingdom than many prominent Christian leaders whom we might expect to find in places of greater honor.  Think of some of the great men of the Bible like Moses, Samuel, and Timothy.  Where would they have been had it not been for their praying, Spirit-led mothers?  Think of Augustine, John Newton, and the zealous Wesleys; their names might never have lighted the pages of history had it not been for the blessed influence of godly mothers!

 

The simple prayers from our infant lips were but echoes from our mother’s heart.  Can we ever forget the soft caresses of those hands of blessing on our heads as we knelt by our beds?  Can we fail to remember her night vigils, her seasons of intercession, her well-marked Bible, and her words of admonition?  Her actions spoke eloquently of Him who taught us of the greater love of God.

 

What a tragedy to neglect the counsel of a godly mother!  What eternal consequences to reject her God…’Do not forsake the law of your mother’ (Prov. 1:8)” ~Henry G. Bosch

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How We Speak to Our Children Tuesday, Oct 27 2009

 

I was so blessed by this post on the Shepherd Press blog. Here’s a small excerpt.

In a family setting, shouting and screaming to prove a point indicates frustration, uncertainty and a lack of confidence. Loud words in such a situation will not be heeded by the heart. Loud words may win outward compliance based upon fear, frustration or resignation, but they will not win the heart.

I was also impressed by this little video clip of Michelle Duggar (of the Discovery show 18 Kids and Counting) with 2 of her little ones.  I’m not particularly a fan of the Duggars…There are plenty of things they do that I don’t agree with…But they clearly love Jesus and I think He’s allowed them to display a sweet godly family to a watching world.  Michelle’s gentle voice has especially challenged me in how I relate to my kids.  (I think the clip was meant to poke fun, but I enjoyed it.)

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Children and Fear Monday, Oct 19 2009

Here’s my weekend post, a day late!

It seems most children go through a fearful stage at some point.  One thing that helps little ones is to understand how much God loves them, that He takes care of them, and He does not want them to be afraid!  Here are a few verses to share with our little ones when they are frightened.  For extra fear-knocking power, help them memorize these verses to say when they are scared.

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 (Timothy 1:7)

The Lord is my light and my salvation–whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life–of whom shall I be afraid? (Psalm 27:1)

{Especially for nighttime fears}I will both lie down in peace, and sleep; For You alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety. (Psalm 4:8)

So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can Man do to me?” (Hebrews 13:6)

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7 Reasons to Take Your Family to Church Tuesday, Oct 13 2009

1. They will learn how to worship with others.

God loves each of us individually, and the Christian’s entire life should be an act of worship.  In addition, God loves His church as a whole.  In the Bible, He tells us that we should not stop meeting together like some people do.  (Hebrews 10:24-25)  The early church met in a large group setting (the Temple) and in homes (from house to house). (Acts 5:42) We should follow their example!

2. It’s the family of God.

Whether or not you have a good relationship with your family of origin, God’s church provides wonderful “family” relationships.  It’s a place of love and support.

3. You will become a better parent.

If you allow God to grow you spiritually, you will become a better person and that will enable you to raise your children better.  Let’s face it, even the best of us can use help!

4. You will learn how to teach your children about God.

As you learn about God, you will know better how to teach your children about Him.  Some churches offer teaching and training specifically to help parents in this area.

5. What you teach at home will be reinforced by others.

God intends for parents to be the primary spiritual teachers of their children. (Deuteronomy 6:6-7)  However, church provides a place where godly adults reinforce what you teach them at home, whether through informal relationships or organized classes.  Your children see that their parents are not the only ones who have vibrant relationships with Jesus.  The family of God partners with parents in leading children to Christ.

6. They will have godly role models.

I’d rather have real-life godly people for my children to look up to rather than just their peers or celebrities.  Your children will be spiritually inspired both by ordinary Christians who live for Christ, as well as more high-profile Christians such as pastors, teachers, and missionaries.

7. It’s a place to meet friends with similar values.

Growing Christian parents should be raising growing Christian children.  It’s a place for your kids to develop fast friendships with people who are walking the same path and believe the same things.  Throughout life they will always have relationships with people who believe differently, but their close church friends should share the most important thing: a love for Jesus.

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Discipleship Starts at Home Monday, Aug 24 2009

I promise I have some stuff in the works and this isn’t going to just be a blog that links to others.  Nevertheless, I did think this miniseries on teaching our children about God (from Resurgence) was worth passing along.

Discipleship Starts at Home, part 1

Discipleship Starts at Home, part 2

It’s specifically directed toward fathers, but there’s much a Christian mother can glean as well!

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When Babies Wake Monday, Jul 13 2009

I’ve had lots of time to ponder the idea of wakeful babies lately, since my 1-year-old has been both teething and sick.  Some nights she has not gone to sleep till nearly midnight, just to wake again in the wee hours of the morning.  Some time back I determined to make the most of these night wakings.  I’m sure some smart, experienced mother gave me the idea.  I have learned to figure that if God has me awake at night, it must be for a reason…And it usually seems that that’s a good time for uninterrupted prayer.  I’m not always good at this (crying in frustration sometimes wins out…just sayin’…), but my broken nights are so much more peaceful when I use them to pray than when I get frustrated and upset at the sleep I’m missing.  I have also found that many times when I begin to pray, baby is able to settle back to sleep.  Maybe she senses some of that peacefulness?

Here’s another idea for making time with baby spiritually uplifting.  I saw it in mentioned in passing the other day, and realized that I have done this from time to time myself.  Great hymns of the faith make beautiful lullabies. They typically have a gentle rhythm and peaceful tune.  The words can’t be beat for bringing spiritual encouragement to mom, even when baby is too small to understand.  And imagine if baby grows up being familiar with these great, time-tested Christian songs!  For that matter, newer hymns and peaceful worship songs work just as well, and impart a greater spiritual legacy than traditional nursery rhymes (not that there is anything wrong with those).  Try it!  If you don’t know any hymns, get a CD.  (Anyone care to recommend one?)  Or check out a hymn site such as NetHymnal, which has hundreds (thousands?) of hymns…Read the lyrics, listen to the tunes, and find out more about the hymn’s author.

Here are the words to a favorite old hymn that makes a lovely lullabye:

‘Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus

’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
And to take Him at His Word;
Just to rest upon His promise,
And to know, “Thus says the Lord!”

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust Him more!

O how sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to trust His cleansing blood;
And in simple faith to plunge me
’Neath the healing, cleansing flood!

Yes, ’tis sweet to trust in Jesus,

Just from sin and self to cease;

Just from Jesus simply taking

Life and rest, and joy and peace.

I’m so glad I learned to trust Thee,
Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend;
And I know that Thou art with me,
Wilt be with me to the end.

And here’s a beautiful modern hymn:

In Christ Alone

In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone, Who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied;
For ev’ry sin on Him was laid—
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain;
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me;
For I am His and He is mine—
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow’r of Christ in me;
From life’s first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow’r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow’r of Christ I’ll stand.

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Wonderful Mama Wisdom Friday, May 22 2009

Ladies, I read this gem of wisdom from a mama who is past the baby stage and now has teenagers.  It was such a precious reminder to let my littles work alongside me, keeping a long-term vision rather than getting mired down in my to-do list.  I usually read Clarice’s blog for creative and crafty inspiration, but this time she has great insight for us mamas!  Precious words, don’t miss them!

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Discipline Thursday, Jan 29 2009

Discipline is not screaming at your child when you are exasperated.  Discipline is not smacking your child after you have told them to do something 17 times!  We discipline by watching carefully over our children and keeping them within the boundaries we have set for them.  This brings peace to the home and security to the child.

Of course, there has to be balance with discipline.  There are times when we provoke discipline.  Sometimes the only way a child can get his mother’s attention is by being naughty.  If we give them adequate love and encouragement and love when they are playing or working happily, they will not have to resort to this habit.  When raising our children, I realized that if I was to reprimand them for everything they did wrong all day, I would be at them all day!  I realized there was a difference between childishness and naughtiness.  I therefore decided to discipline for that which I felt was important–disobedience, rebellion, insolence, telling lies and anything that was contrary to God’s Word.  We never allowed tantrums, not for one minute!  We never allowed the children to pout or have a bad attitude.  But I would overlook some of their childish fun, such as if they were noisy, messed up things, or accidentally broke things.

~Words of wisdom from Nancy Campbell, mother of 6 godly grown children

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25 Ways to Provoke Your Children to Anger Tuesday, Jan 27 2009

(click on book cover for Amazon link)

*from Heart of Anger, Priolo, Lou, Calvary Press, 1997.

1. Lack of Marital Harmony

“For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh” Genesis 2:24

“See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled” Hebrews 12:15

2. Establishing and Maintaining a Child-Centered Home

“The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother” Proverbs 29:15

3. Modeling Sinful Anger

“Do not associate with a man given to anger; or go with a hot-tempered man, lest you learn his ways, and find a snare for yourself” Proverbs 22:24, 25

4. Habitually Disciplining While Angry

“O Lord, rebuke me not in Thy wrath; and chasten me not in Thy burning anger” Psalms 38:1

When you are angry, it is easier for you to over discipline.

“Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God” James 1:19, 20

5. Scolding

“Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such (a word) as is good for edification according to the need (of the moment), that it may give grace to those who hear” Ephesians 4:29

One of the Greek words from which the term scolding was derived, means “to snort with anger”.

6. Being Inconsistent with Discipline

“Because the sentence against an evil deed is not executed quickly, therefore the hearts of the sons of men among them are given fully to do evil” Eccl. 8:11

As a rule, it is better for one parent to tighten up a bit and the other to loosen up a little to unify their approach to discipline.

Children ought to know that their parents “yes” means “yes” and their “no” means “no”.

7. Having Double Standards

“The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things; and the God of peace shall be with you” Phil. 4:9

A parent who uses the Bible to teach, reprove, correct, and instruct his children in righteousness, but is not willing to practice that same biblical righteousness in his own life, is not only a hypocrite but a provoker of his children.

8. Being Legalistic

Biblically Directed Rules vs. Biblically Derived Rules

“These people honor me with their lips, but their heart is far from me. But in vain do they worship Me, teaching as doctrines the precepts of men” Matt. 15:8-9

9. Not Admitting You’re Wrong and Not Asking For Forgiveness

“If therefore you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar, and go your way; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering” Matt.5:23,24

“Therefore confess your sins to one another and pray for one another…” James 5:16

10. Constantly Finding Fault

“Elihu’s anger…burned against Job…and his anger burned against his three Friends, because they had found no answer, and yet had condemned Job” Job 32:2, 3

“A man’s discretion makes him slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook a transgression” Proverbs 19:11

11. Parents Reversing God-Given Roles

“Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the

Head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything” Eph. 5:22-24

12. Not Listening to Your Child’s Opinion or Taking His or Her “Side of the Story” Seriously

“He who gives an answer before he hears, it is folly and shame to him” Prov. 18:3

“The first to plead his case seems just, until another comes and examines him” Prov. 18:17

13. Comparing Them to Others

“For we are not bold to class or compare ourselves with some of those who commend themselves; but when they measure themselves, they are without understanding” 2 Cor. 10:12

14. Not Making Time “Just to Talk”

“Be quick to listen, slow to speak” James 1:19

“There is a time to keep silent, and a time to speak” Eccl. 3:7

15. Not Praising or Encouraging Your Child

“Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds…, let us encourage one another and all the more as you see the day approaching” Heb. 10:24-25

16. Failing to Keep Your Promises

“But let your statement be, ‘Yes, yes’ or ‘No, no’; and anything beyond these is of evil” Matt 5:37

17. Chastening in Front of Others

“And if your brother sins, go and reprove him in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother” Matt. 18:15

18. Not Allowing Enough Freedom

“The wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable (easy to be entreated), full of mercy…” James 3:17

19. Allowing Too Much Freedom

“The rod and reproof give wisdom but a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother” Proverbs 29:15

“For those whom the Lord loves He disciplines, and He scourges every son whom he receives….” Hebrews 12:6-9

20. Mocking Your Child

“And the LORD said to him, ‘Who has made man’s mouth? Or who makes him dumb or deaf, or seeing or blind? Is it not I, the LORD?’” Exodus 4:11

21. Abusing Them Physically

“A bishop (overseer), then must be…not violent…, but gentle” 1Timothy 3:3

22. Ridiculing or Name Calling

“Let no unwholesome word proceed out of your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Eph. 4:29

23. Unrealistic Expectations

“When I was a child I used to speak as a child, think as a child, reason as a child” 1 Cor. 13:11

24. Practicing Favoritism

“Now his older son was in the field, and when he came and approached the house, he heard music and dancing….” Luke 15:25-30

25. Child Training with Worldly Methodologies Inconsistent with God’s Word

“And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” Ephesians 6:4

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Challenges Sunday, Nov 9 2008

Do you have a child that’s extra-active, can’t focus, or who has behavior challenges that are unaffected by conventional wisdom? Maybe all three of those things describe your child.

I’ve cried out to God for answers to different things that crop up with exceptionally active or challenging children (and probably many, if not most, families have one or more who fits this category at one time or another). I don’t mean ordinary high energy or strong will. I mean the kinds of issues that literally bring parents to their knees. As I’ve prayed, God has led me to several things that have proven life-changing for our family. We’re still on the journey; we certainly don’t have it all figured out yet. But here’s a short list of things that have helped us dramatically. If you face unique challenges with one or several of your kids and you don’t know where to turn, perhaps these simple steps will help you too.

Examine yourself.

Are you interacting with your child like Jesus would? Have you reached a place where you actually feel bitter toward your child for being so unmanageable? Have you become emotionally cold toward him? Do you respond to his anger with anger? Do you discipline in anger? Do you take his misbehavior as a personal affront? Do you punish rather than discipline and train? Are you consistent? Are you provoking your children to become angry? (I’m having some personal “ouch” moments just typing this list.)

The Heart of Anger has good insights into the angry child. I’ve never dealt with a child who was angry at heart, but if your child is there, it’s worth a read. Actually, the most beneficial part is the chapter “25 Ways Parents Provoke Their Children to Anger.” Even if you don’t have an “angry” child (perhaps one just given to occasional outbursts), this would be helpful.

Consider environmental sensitivities, especially to food.

This was HUGE for us. In our case, dairy and corn products seem to be culprits. (High fructose corn syrup is a problem for a lot of kids.) We don’t eat many processed or additive-laden foods, but on the occasion that we do, I notice my one of my children doesn’t handle them well either—especially during seasons when they become a more regular part of our diet. When I make sure my little one eats the diet that’s best for her (especially on a regular basis—I’m more lenient for social occasions), she is literally like a different child, both physically and emotionally. I can’t even describe HOW MUCH BETTER things are at our house since we’ve started to figure this out.

This article by Dr. William Sears is a good primer on food allergies. Also, many parents with exceptionally active or ADHD-labeled children have had great success with the Feingold diet. I’ve even read stories of autistic symptoms being improved or reversed with dietary changes. What you put into your body has a profound effect on your brain. I hear that when a child is allergic or sensitive to certain foods or additives, his behavior can spin out of control. Our experience has made me a believer.

Learn to understand and appreciate your child for who he is.

Here I’m talking about two totally different things. Appreciate your child’s uniqueness, even if it’s uniqueness that goes against your grain. If you’re orderly and introspective, an easygoing artistic child might drive you crazy, for example. But recognize that God has given your child unique gifts different from yours. Should an easygoing child learn to be disciplined? Of course. But learn to appreciate the amazing gift of a child whose personality and “bent” is totally different from yours.

In addition, you must understand how your child sees the world. The book Homeschooling the Challenging Child has been a huge help to me in this area. I think it would be beneficial even if you don’t homeschool. (Homework battles, anyone?) When I realized how my child becomes over-stimulated and how she responds to that over-stimulation, I finally “got” why she acted the way she did, and why no amount of consistent discipline improved the behavior I was concerned about.

This book is a little label-heavy in places. I’m very cautious about labeling children—but whether you pursue diagnosis that results in a label, or just look for insights into certain characteristics of your challenging child, it’s worth a read. The book is not decidedly against ADHD medication in all circumstances, but it gives many strategies that might help you keep your child off medication. (A side note: the book Boys Adrift, which I mentioned once before, was enlightening in terms of concerns about ADHD drugs, especially for boys.)

Orient yourself, your home, and your life toward your child in the way that’s helpful to him, as much as possible.

Again, Homeschooling the Challenging Child was helpful to me in regards to practical tools for interacting with my children. For example, I’m beginning to eliminate the visual clutter that can send some kids in to sensory overload. (Who knew?) I’m taking a different approach to the simplest things, like math worksheets. This list of 10 Tips for Teaching the Highly Distractible Child is super, again, even if you don’t homeschool. Once you learn to understand your child, you’re empowered to give him what he needs.

I’m not talking about pandering to character flaws or ignoring misbehavior with a label or an excuse. And I don’t mean to suggest that this approach should be a substitute for normal discipline and training. (By the same token, I’m obviously not talking about the kinds of very serious issues that require professional help–although some of these ideas may help in concert with professional assistance for those who need it.) I’m talking about learning to parent a child or children who truly present unique challenges that defy conventional wisdom. God has great things for our kids. Let’s learn to work with the precious children He gave us to help them be all He wants them to be!

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